House Rules for Football

JMP and AGP just left for a few days of camping with RaRa {JMP's mom}. I am staying behind for a few reasons ~ I do NOT camp, too much to do at school and home before school starts, and I do NOT camp.

I am finding myself doing a little procrastinating right now. I have caught up on my blog reading and keep daydreaming of what every true southern girl dreams of ~~ FOOTBALL SEASON! Auburn opens the season in 34 days against Arkansas State. Season opener is a night game - 6pm kick off. So, it is now time to post the house rules. You know the ones ~ they supersede all other lists and rules!

{Usually all posts are about The Princess and her antics and all things AGP adorable ~ not this one. It is all about football and how everyone else can survive THE season! Quick side note: I am doing my job as the mother of a southern belle in training. AGP has already started to unleash her internal love of the game. She knew when Handy Manny is over ~ it is time for Kirk and Game Day! AGP is able to recognizes the Mannings {knows the difference between Peyton and Eli}, Brandon Jacobs, and all things AUBURN! She can "War Eagle" like a pro and screams at the defense to hit 'em harder! This season will include expansion and cultivation of all things SEC football.}

So, I am going to share The House Rules for College Football. These rules were originally written by a Fox Sports blogger, Lisa H. I found them on another blog {Growing Up Southern is a Privilege Really} and decided to tweak the rules for my home and share with all of you!

The House Rules for College Football

1. There shall be an unobstructed view of the television at all times.

Any child that stands in front of the TV to get attention form me will be permanently disowned. Unless loss of limb or mass quantities of blood is apparent {visible proof is required}, no cries of injury will be attended to by me {find Papa if you feel faint or nauseous}. Grab a band-aid and some Motrin. Better yet, rub some dirt on it!

Any child that decides to perform her princess song and dance during a football game broadcast will be offered up for adoption by Brad and Angelina. As is.

2. Nutritional needs are not a priority on Saturdays.

Here is your chance to ask Mommy for ice cream and cake for breakfast! In fact, timing is everything. If you ask for cotton candy and deep fried Twinkies while Lee Corso is deciding which mascot head to don, you'll get a quick nod of the head and a swift dismissal by the hand.

Don't expect home-cooked meals, unless you consider Papa John's pizza home-made. Football season is why vitamins were made., so throw back a Barney Rubble with some OJ and quit complaining!

3. Demands for sex will be accepted only during certain hours of Saturday.

Please note the following time changes for when sex will not be accommodated: 6:30 AM - 11:15 PM (PST) every Saturday. Conflicts with college football games are unacceptable.

4. Notre Dame games will be watched even if there are better games on at the same time.

Given the Irish have been a bit embarrassing in the recent past, this year's team has us curious. Will they crash and burn or look like an BCS contender? The game could be a train-wreck or a complete rout. ND games have "huge ratings" potential despite the Navy game a couple seasons ago.

Don't all good catholics watch and root for "Touchdown Jesus". Come on - you know you cried during RUDY!

5. No one shall question the merit of any games being played on September 4, 2010.

Any person who asks why I am watching LA- Lafayette vs UGA, San Jose State vs Alabama, Tenn-Martin vs Tennessee, Miami OHIO vs Florida, Samford vs Florida State, North Texas vs Clemson, Rice vs Texas, North Carolina vs LSWho?, or SMU vs Texas Tech (Sunday, Sept 5 @ 3:30 pm/ET) will be shot on site. "Shoot first, ask questions later" will be the motto of the day. (If you have to ask, brush up on your Auburn knowledge as well as the SEC.)

I have waited seven long months for some college football, and frankly the thought of watching Penn St vs Youngstown St live on television has my mouth watering! The first weekend of college football should be viewed as a national holiday and treated with the utmost dignity and respect.

Every game watched between Thursday, September 2 and Monday, September 6 will be watched with a tear in my eye. I can hear the ESPN theme music now!

6. From 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM CT, all requests requiring Mommy to take her eyes off the TV set will be ignored.

Sure the show has become too commerical, sure the 2 stars, Lee Corso and Kirk Herbstreit, have made the concept seem a little contrived, and sure Lou Holtz can be down right irritating. But after seven long months, I can't wait for College Game Day to start.

In fact, I will probably cry tears of joy as soon as I see the Home Depot desk with Lee tapping his pencil, and Kirk setting Lee up for a "Not so fast, my friend." I will scream with laughter at all the goofy signs, admire the cheerleaders standing on their partner's shoulders, and take a deep breath the second they mention my team .

And yes, I will be looking to see if Mr. Pound has kept his WSU flag flying in every crowd of every College Game Day since 2003. Maybe one day the show will make it to WSU's campus in Pullman, Washington. {doubt it! No marquee games there.}

Oh yeah, the second anyone asks me, "Can I...?" while the show is on will either get ignored or a quick nod of the head. AGP, here is your chance to go ask if you can play in the street, set Winston on fire, or drink your first cup of coffee, I'm not listening. I am in a trance.

7. No one shall make fun of any attire worn on Saturdays.

There comes a time when wardrobe critique from small children or spouses should be quelled. Saturdays are one of those days.

On away game Saturdays, I probably didn't sleep much Friday night because of the AHS game and anticipation of all the college games on Saturday. I will be looking pretty bad. Pajamas, slippers, my oldest Auburn t-shirt, un-brushed teeth, and twisted pile of hair on top of my head are to be expected until noon.

If the games are too exciting, I may not change my appearance at all.

Once showered, every member of the family will be wearing Navy and Burnt Orange {no UF or UT orange will be allowed} for the duration of the day. PERIOD. If Auburn is on a winning streak, you may wear the same ensemble every Saturday until further notice. You need to put on a happy face and give the world your best, "War Eagle!"

8. Any person(s) who plays "hide the remote from Mommy" game will suffer serious consequences.

Yes, Saturday morning cartoons are important to all children,. That's why AGP has a TV and DVD player in her room. {I know she is three and TV watching is limited except during football season.} The lists for Santa Claus and birthday presents have been well thought out by Mommy. If the remote gets "misplaced" on a Saturday, the punishment will be liver and onions for lunch (delivery, of course) and steamed brussel sprouts with mustard sauce for dinner (from freezer to microwave to plate in seconds). The stench should be a poignant reminder of such foolish behavior.

9. Any phone calls from friends will be treated the same as telemarketing solicitations.

There are a few friends that share my enthusiasm. They have a direct line to me during games. The rest of you know I love you enough to leave you alone during The Real Housewives of the World and The Bachelor. Please do the same for me on football Saturdays.

10. Baseball is officially non-existent on Saturdays.

I do not care if the play-offs are close. When football is on, there is no other sport worth watching. Including baseball.

I have suffered through a winter of basketball and a summer of baseball. I am over it! I need some contact sport, I need some violence, I need some green turf without brown dirt in the middle of it. I don't want anymore manager's kicking dirt on the ump's feet, I do not care where LeBron James plays basketball, and thank goodness the World Cup is over! I want and need to see Spurrier throw his visor, dang it! I need to see Joe Pa (Joe Paterno for those that don't know.) on the field with his pants rolled up to his ankles!

The House has spoken.

*** Please note that in case of emergency, please evacuate the house and talk all valuables with you to the nearest Red Cross Shelter. Do not waste any time begging me to leave the TV for safety.

I could not resist the temptation to pull out my favorite pictures of AGP in her Auburn dress at Jordan Hare! Oldies but goodies!

War Eagle!

Let the games begin!